this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
