We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
