Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
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Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
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i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize