i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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