They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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