I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
