Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize