If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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