..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
