you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
