Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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