He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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