I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize