Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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