But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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