Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
