I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
