i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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