I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
