i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
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Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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