just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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