"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
