i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
