I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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