Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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