I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
tonight lets celebrate not being married
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
