He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
