I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
