i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
