Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
