the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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