i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
