She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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