kristin has been a bad kristin
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
