I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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