p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
