lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
