this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
