I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
