life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Are we still banned from the library?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
