I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
