that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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