Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
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I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
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Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday