just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
