Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
