I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
