also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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