Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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