Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
