Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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