I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
