If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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