Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
