i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
