Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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