do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
