Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize