ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i came on her dog
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
